I Love My Husband

-23weeks 4days-

For Christmas Kaleb gave me some VERY thoughtful gifts!!
We always do gifts in shifts... some at his parents' house, my parents' house and our place.

He gave me an ornament at his parents' house of a teddy bear wearing a bib...


Christmas morning we celebrated and he gave me an ornament of a snowmen family. We hung it on the tree and he said, “it's our family”. I almost cried.. I'm tearing up just typing about it...


Then he gave me a surprise gift after we got home from my parents' house...
And it did make me cry! A locket that he put a pic of him and an ultrasound pic of Tristan!

Where Is My Glow?

-22weeks 1day-

I am totally NOT feeling pregnant at all. :(
I have waited so long for this day... and yet I am feeling down and almost depressed...

It's like a snow ball! Because I feel down... I feel even worse that I feel that way.. and become even more down...

why...?
well, let me tell you...

I don't feel pregnant. It could just be another ordinary day in the life of me. It has a lot to do with the fact that I haven't seemed pregnant. I didn't suffer from morning sickness just nausea (which I am thankful for in the long run), no food cravings, no food aversions, I am 22 weeks and not showing one
bit... and not feelin him kick (on the outside- I do feel some movement inside... sometimes...)

I look in the mirror and just see fat! I see a big fat me, which I just spent a year working on! I hit it hard for a year, working out five days a week, 3-4 hours a day... just kicking my butt to lose weight and get healthy...

Now, I just see it all coming back.. :(
And I might be showing if I didn't have a bunch of fat over the top of my precious baby.... which I started gaining back right before I got pregnant....

And I know that I have a precious gift from God, really I do. Which makes me feel so much worse... to be thinking this way... I should be glowing... I should be thrilled... yet, not so much :(
I am just ashamed at feeling so selfish... I have been blessed and for some reason can't find the joy in it....

I hope I can find more joy today...

Maybe I'm just being selfish... but where is my baby bump....? It'd be easier if my belly was round... it can even stay as "fat" as it is... but the B shape is too much :(

Enough of my rant tonight...

The Name Game

-21weeks-

Went in for our level two ultrasound at 7am. The tech was kind of rude... chewed Kaleb out for recording the event on his phone. The baby is head down already - at 21 weeks! But this made it difficult to see the gender. The baby's butt was sitting right behind my belly button, so he couldn't get a view... but said he would do more measurements and come back to it later... because the nice thing about babies is they move. He took more measurements then said let's see about getting the gender for you.

I had been researching online for weeks what the difference would look like on the screen. So, when he went looking... I saw it before he told us. My heart skipped a beat... and he said, there it is. You are having a boy.



I have always wanted a girl. That was my dream. I have prayed for a little girl for 7+ years. Had my hopes set on it... was determined it was a little girl... and I'm having a BOY! I almost started crying... At first, I didn't know what to think... or how to feel.

He finished what he needed to do and sent us on our way with a couple pictures. I lost it as we were leaving, started bawling. At first I was disappointed that my dream of having a girl was deflated...
But at the same time, I am thrilled to be having a healthy baby boy! :)

I'm looking at this positively....

-my FAVORITE color is blue... (I actually hate the color pink - so it will make shopping easier)
-I get to honor my step-dad by using his first name as the baby's middle name (he has been a great Dad to me and my brother... and doesn't have any kids of his own)
-and I'm blessed to finally be having a child after so long...


Kaleb kept asking me if I was okay (he knew, everyone knew, my heart was set on a little girl). But I wasn't completely crying because we weren't having a girl; I was crying also because I was so happy to finally know what we ARE having.

Kaleb asked me if I wanted to go get breakfast or something... and I told him I was okay and that we both should get to work. On my short drive, I called a friend of mine and told her the news.... as well as, Kaleb was texting me as he was driving the 30 minutes to work.

We now had a problem - we had no name picked out for a boy.

On his way to work, Kaleb kept texting me and asking me if I was really okay. As this was still going on, I got to work and was talking to my mom about the news. We proceeded to talk about how we don't have a name and such.

The name Tristan has been floating around my family for 26 years but has never been used. My Mom wanted to name my brother Tristan, but my father said no; so she named him Justin. But Justin and I had a prior agreement that he would "get" the name for his future child. Because of this agreement, Kaleb and I had never considered the name.

Well, Mom and I talked about it.. and I sent Kaleb a text and asked, "Do you like Tristan?"
He sent me a text back, "that must be the name!" I was so confused! lol

While he was asking if I was okay, he sent a text to the KGB Service (542542). If you don't know about this service, you can ask them any question for $1.00... So, he asked, "what should I name my yet-to-be-born baby boy?" They sent him back a message saying... "Some popular names for boys are: Jacob, Michael, Ethan, Jesse, Dustin, Anthony, Jarod, or our Tristen! kgb_team"
He received my message two minutes after getting their response.... So, it was meant to be!

I texted messaged Justin and asked him if we could have the name. He said yes... But I asked him again in person later at Mom's.

So, in a matter of a couple hours of finding out we are having a boy, and not having a name... he has a name. :)

I can't wait to meet our little Tristan James :)

Thankful for...

-19weeks 2days-

I have SOOOO much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!
In no particular order :)


I am thankful I get to talk to my mom, everyday. We might butt heads sometimes (though rare) and drive each other crazy... but we laugh a lot! I know if I needed to, I could talk to her about anything... and have taken advantage of that many times... love you Mom <3

I am thankful my brother has straightened up his life. We are actually beginning to be close again, which is important to me. His girlfriend, Megan, is a blessing to him! I look forward to getting to know her better and being great friends :) They are great together, gag-tastic even ;) (inside joke)

I am thankful for so many great friends! We might not talk as much as we used to or would like to.. but I know that if I called upon them for a hand, they would be more than willing to lend it. I don't test that often, but I know it's there. Thank you for being my friend! And ALWAYS remember, I am just a call or
facebook message away... if you need ANYTHING, I will do my best to help!

I am very thankful for my husband! We have been married for 6 1/2 years already (together just over 7 years)! At times, it doesn't feel that long at all.. and others, it feels like we've been together much longer! I was told recently, we must be in love - because when I answered the question of how long we've been together, I included years and months... LOL

He is such an amazing man! I often take for granted that I have him... get to see him everyday.. hold him every night.. So many others are not as fortunate! Even though he drives me crazy, sometimes intentionally, I couldn't even imagine not being married to him...

I look forward to being able to tell our child how awesome daddy is! That he loves his wife and child more than anything else on this Earth! That he works to hard to provide a future for us and deserves our respect!


I am blessed to be able to do this in about 20 weeks!
Yes, that's right...

I am abundantly thankful to be carrying our little blessing from God!!
Our first child, due April 20th... :)


SOOOO much to be thankful for, Always - not just Thanksgiving... :)

Another Baby Presence

-15 weeks-

So, I haven't felt anything in a week... but today I was walking around a corner at work and suddenly felt like I had a butterfly or something in me again! It was so exciting :)

Quickening

-14weeks-

I was sitting today and felt like I had a butterfly or something moving around inside me!! It was really weird!

Met My Doctor

-11weeks-

I had a doctor's appointment today... and I met my Doctor. He is my husband's doctor and was highly recommended. Since Kaleb doesn't like doctors at all, it really does say a lot.


Kaleb didn't come with me this time because we were told it was going to basically be a pap. The majority of the appointment was a pap, but he also did another ultrasound. He said I got really good pictures for only being 11 weeks. You can distinctly see a torso, head, arms and legs (though they look more like circles). Dr. Benson also let me take a video of the ultrasound for Kaleb since he missed it all.

It was really great seeing my little peanut again. :)

We Have A Little Peanut

-10weeks 1day-

Had our first appointment at the doctor's office today.
They tested to verify that I am pregnant. Big surprise, it was positive. :P
So, from there the OB nurse asked a lot of questions and talked over a bunch of information. At the end of the interrogation, I asked if we could have an ultrasound done. The nurse said that she would try. She couldn't get anything so she grabbed one of the doctor's. The doctor couldn't get anything either :(
She said that she could do an internal ultrasound if I wanted or wait a week until I see my doctor. But I really wanted to see the baby! We tried the internal and she was able to find my peanut! :) It was amazing! I'm so excited!


After all the excitement of Kaleb and I seeing our peanut, I was sent down to have some blood taken. I do not handle needles well. Kaleb stuck around to help me through. They took 7 viles of blood! :( On the plus side, they found my vain on the first try! Which has never happened before... my veins are VERY hard to find and I usually end up a pin cushion.

Telling The Parents

-8weeks-

Kaleb and I spent Labor Day weekend out at Big Lake. We finally decided to tell our parents that weekend, but wanted to do it in a creative way.

We went to Walmart and bought some really nice picture frames. We then went and found a really cute greeting card that had a picture of baby booties on the front with a caption "so little, so cute..." above them. We wrote April 2010 on the bottom of the card, framed them and kind of wrapped them with plastic bags and tissue paper because that's all we had. We made 4 frames, one for each set of parents and one for Hannah.



On September 6th, We told my parents, James and Debbie, first. My Mom already suspected it, so telling them was going to be easy going. I gave the frame to her, she opened it - looked at me smiling and asked, "really?" And I nodded and said, "yes." She sat up on the couch and declared, "I told you so!" lol It took all that I have not to bawl like a baby! Dad was pretty happy too! Though he didn't get it at first. He thought I was showing them something new I am offering with my photo stuff :)

We left their house and went up to Kaleb's parents', Neal and Bess, house. We knew they were going to be more "enthusiastic" about the news. We gave Bess the frame to open. I luckily had my camera out for this and caught it all on video. She FREAKED out! They have been asking us for years if/when we were ever going to start a family...

It just wasn't in God's timing yet. :)

This baby is truly a blessing to us!
I had given up hope of having a child of our own - and assumed that we would adopt. Which I would be totally okay with (Kaleb is adopted, as is my Mom, Debbie).

But I am overwhelmed with joy that I am able to carry my own child. Kaleb and I are already smiling a little bigger just thinking about the journey we are about to start. :)

On September 7th, we told Justin and Hannah (my brother and Kaleb's half-sister). We didn't give Justin a frame, so I just sent him a text message that morning. His said cool and kind of acted like, oh okay. whatever. Like this is an everyday occurrence! lol Hey Justin, I didn't just tell you I washed
my hair... we are having a BABY! lol

Anyway, we brought Hannah out to the lake Monday morning for breakfast. We talked about a bunch of stuff - found out a friend of hers is pregnant. Breakfast was really yummy. We gave her the frame, she opened it and cheered LOL She has also been asking when we were going to have a baby because she wanted to be an aunt.

On our way home from the lake, we stopped in at my other parents' (Lance and Ginger) house. Ginger has grandkids, which are also his, but none blood related. I gave the frame to him to open. He said, "is this a hint?" As I answered, Ginger freaked out! lol She gave me a hug, then him a hug and said,
"you are going to be a real Grandpa..." It was all very teary.

For now, we aren't officially announcing our pregnancy. I want to wait until after we go to the doctor. I am pretty paranoid that something will go wrong, since it has taken us so long to get pregnant. But I'm sure it's just new Mom jitters ;)

Two Pink Lines

-7weeks 2days-

I found out today that I am pregnant!!!

I have been showing signs for a few weeks now, but didn't think anything of them.
The week of August 17th-23rd I was VERY tired. Kaleb and I were working on my website and I couldn't keep my eyes open! Usually, I'm awake until midnight or later; but I was falling asleep eating dinner! Looking back now, I should have known! Stupid, blind Sarah!

It finally came down to the fact that I wanted to enter the weightloss competition at the gym... but because I have been feeling weird for a while, I thought I should take a test just to make sure. I had an "old" test but decided to pick up a new one to take along with it.
So, this morning I got up and took the tests. I got them all situated, put toothpaste on my toothbrush, turned around and the tests already had the results! I saw two pinks lines first then a "pregnant" on the other stick. My first response was, "nah-ah!" - I was in complete shock!!
My second thought was, "oh no, Kaleb is going to be mad..."


I woke up Kaleb and told him that I took two tests and they were positive! Not one test, but TWO tests... He was half asleep and pretty shocked. But was really great about it all. I think I was freaking out more than he was (or at least how much he was letting on).

It was really hard going to work and not talking to Mom about it. I know she already suspects it because she asked me a week or so ago if I was; but as far as I knew, I wasn't.

Anyway, after work I went and took another test, and sure enough! it was positive too! I then went to the gym and told them I wasn't going to be participating in the weightloss competition afterall.

Even though it's new, scary and a little uncomfortable lol ... It's also wonderful!!! I'm really excited that this if finally happening!

It's going to be a wonderfully amazing journey!