Where Is My Glow?

-22weeks 1day-

I am totally NOT feeling pregnant at all. :(
I have waited so long for this day... and yet I am feeling down and almost depressed...

It's like a snow ball! Because I feel down... I feel even worse that I feel that way.. and become even more down...

why...?
well, let me tell you...

I don't feel pregnant. It could just be another ordinary day in the life of me. It has a lot to do with the fact that I haven't seemed pregnant. I didn't suffer from morning sickness just nausea (which I am thankful for in the long run), no food cravings, no food aversions, I am 22 weeks and not showing one
bit... and not feelin him kick (on the outside- I do feel some movement inside... sometimes...)

I look in the mirror and just see fat! I see a big fat me, which I just spent a year working on! I hit it hard for a year, working out five days a week, 3-4 hours a day... just kicking my butt to lose weight and get healthy...

Now, I just see it all coming back.. :(
And I might be showing if I didn't have a bunch of fat over the top of my precious baby.... which I started gaining back right before I got pregnant....

And I know that I have a precious gift from God, really I do. Which makes me feel so much worse... to be thinking this way... I should be glowing... I should be thrilled... yet, not so much :(
I am just ashamed at feeling so selfish... I have been blessed and for some reason can't find the joy in it....

I hope I can find more joy today...

Maybe I'm just being selfish... but where is my baby bump....? It'd be easier if my belly was round... it can even stay as "fat" as it is... but the B shape is too much :(

Enough of my rant tonight...