Saturday, December 26, 2009

I Love My Husband

-23weeks 4days-

For Christmas Kaleb gave me some VERY thoughtful gifts!!
We always do gifts in shifts... some at his parents' house, my parents' house and our place.

He gave me an ornament at his parents' house of a teddy bear wearing a bib...

Christmas morning we celebrated and he gave me an ornament of a snowmen family. We hung it on the tree and he said, “it's our family”. I almost cried.. I'm tearing up just typing about it...

Then he gave me a surprise gift after we got home from my parents' house...
And it did make me cry! A locket that he put a pic of him and an ultrasound pic of Tristan!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Where Is My Glow?

-22weeks 1day-

I am totally NOT feeling pregnant at all. :(
I have waited so long for this day... and yet I am feeling down and almost depressed...

It's like a snow ball! Because I feel down... I feel even worse that I feel that way.. and become even more down...

well, let me tell you...

I don't feel pregnant. It could just be another ordinary day in the life of me. It has a lot to do with the fact that I haven't seemed pregnant. I didn't suffer from morning sickness just nausea (which I am thankful for in the long run), no food cravings, no food aversions, I am 22 weeks and not showing one
bit... and not feelin him kick (on the outside- I do feel some movement inside... sometimes...)

I look in the mirror and just see fat! I see a big fat me, which I just spent a year working on! I hit it hard for a year, working out five days a week, 3-4 hours a day... just kicking my butt to lose weight and get healthy...

Now, I just see it all coming back.. :(
And I might be showing if I didn't have a bunch of fat over the top of my precious baby.... which I started gaining back right before I got pregnant....

And I know that I have a precious gift from God, really I do. Which makes me feel so much worse... to be thinking this way... I should be glowing... I should be thrilled... yet, not so much :(
I am just ashamed at feeling so selfish... I have been blessed and for some reason can't find the joy in it....

I hope I can find more joy today...

Maybe I'm just being selfish... but where is my baby bump....? It'd be easier if my belly was round... it can even stay as "fat" as it is... but the B shape is too much :(

Enough of my rant tonight...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Name Game


Went in for our level two ultrasound at 7am. The tech was kind of rude... chewed Kaleb out for recording the event on his phone. The baby is head down already - at 21 weeks! But this made it difficult to see the gender. The baby's butt was sitting right behind my belly button, so he couldn't get a view... but said he would do more measurements and come back to it later... because the nice thing about babies is they move. He took more measurements then said let's see about getting the gender for you.

I had been researching online for weeks what the difference would look like on the screen. So, when he went looking... I saw it before he told us. My heart skipped a beat... and he said, there it is. You are having a boy.

I have always wanted a girl. That was my dream. I have prayed for a little girl for 7+ years. Had my hopes set on it... was determined it was a little girl... and I'm having a BOY! I almost started crying... At first, I didn't know what to think... or how to feel.

He finished what he needed to do and sent us on our way with a couple pictures. I lost it as we were leaving, started bawling. At first I was disappointed that my dream of having a girl was deflated...
But at the same time, I am thrilled to be having a healthy baby boy! :)

I'm looking at this positively....

-my FAVORITE color is blue... (I actually hate the color pink - so it will make shopping easier)
-I get to honor my step-dad by using his first name as the baby's middle name (he has been a great Dad to me and my brother... and doesn't have any kids of his own)
-and I'm blessed to finally be having a child after so long...

Kaleb kept asking me if I was okay (he knew, everyone knew, my heart was set on a little girl). But I wasn't completely crying because we weren't having a girl; I was crying also because I was so happy to finally know what we ARE having.

Kaleb asked me if I wanted to go get breakfast or something... and I told him I was okay and that we both should get to work. On my short drive, I called a friend of mine and told her the news.... as well as, Kaleb was texting me as he was driving the 30 minutes to work.

We now had a problem - we had no name picked out for a boy.

On his way to work, Kaleb kept texting me and asking me if I was really okay. As this was still going on, I got to work and was talking to my mom about the news. We proceeded to talk about how we don't have a name and such.

The name Tristan has been floating around my family for 26 years but has never been used. My Mom wanted to name my brother Tristan, but my father said no; so she named him Justin. But Justin and I had a prior agreement that he would "get" the name for his future child. Because of this agreement, Kaleb and I had never considered the name.

Well, Mom and I talked about it.. and I sent Kaleb a text and asked, "Do you like Tristan?"
He sent me a text back, "that must be the name!" I was so confused! lol

While he was asking if I was okay, he sent a text to the KGB Service (542542). If you don't know about this service, you can ask them any question for $1.00... So, he asked, "what should I name my yet-to-be-born baby boy?" They sent him back a message saying... "Some popular names for boys are: Jacob, Michael, Ethan, Jesse, Dustin, Anthony, Jarod, or our Tristen! kgb_team"
He received my message two minutes after getting their response.... So, it was meant to be!

I texted messaged Justin and asked him if we could have the name. He said yes... But I asked him again in person later at Mom's.

So, in a matter of a couple hours of finding out we are having a boy, and not having a name... he has a name. :)

I can't wait to meet our little Tristan James :)